Posts tagged nuts

Guess The Troll

OK, kiddos. It’s time to put those brain cells you’ve managed to retain to use. Yesterday, we received a comment that got caught in our troll trap, under the name “Banjomansband.” Rather than let it sluice through, we thought it would be fun to make a contest of it, in a “Guess the Troll” contest. [Hint: It’s someone we know and lub.]

It’s not enough to just guess the name. Please show your work. Entrants are judged by use of logic, wit and deliciousness; with bonus points awarded to whoever can explain to us the actual point this guy is trying to make:

“We have check the link out MA and find it ridiculous. Why you would want to print such rubbish is beyond us.
Yes it is several people having a say here. A couple of us post on JREF’s this is where we first heard of you. You post under a another name, why, are you hiding something.
Seems you keep pulling this disgusting stunt every time he posts on a site you or ftg posted on.
It seems he doesn’t like you and what you stand for so he takes the fight to you directly, what a concept. You folks do it here everyday. You jump into blogs, sites, newspapers ect…pull out what you want and post it here including people faces. You did this with Alfie, right. So when it is done to you, you fight back dirty.
Now your after Alfie to look at this link, well we suggest he does, please get it over with. Anything to stop you from soapboxing this link.
We don’t know this guy really and probably won’t but it seems low down that you would pull this shit and call yourselves respectable.
Grow Up!”

Good Luck!

The Looking-Glass

Here’s an entertaining exchange from a couple of AAs over at the Online Daily Reflections blog. It’s a rare occurrence that we capture this kind of lunacy in the wild, so I thought that I’d post it here.

It started out innocently enough, with Lyby G writing about how her Higher Power™ evolved from a table, to a tree, to her AA group itself, and finally to AA God™. You know…just standard AA stuff. But soon it devolved into a fight between her and “Guardian Angel” over who is the most sober and least resentful:

The first blow was struck by Guardian Angel, who questioned whether Lyby was “really sober” because she was not really working the program. He started the exchange with the “are you in AA, or around AA?” tactic — a classic and effective move. As an added touch passive aggression, it’s written in a kind of freestyle haiku-like manner:

the reality
that you leave out
of the well written story
is that you have been around AA for 20 years…
and have been sober ???

Lydy shows amazing restraint, and simply states her years of sobriety as evidence of its quality:

Sweetheart, I’ve been sober over 27 continuous years in Alcoholics Anonymous and don’t believe in the GOD of the Oxford Group –
atheists and agnostics stay sober in AA every day of the week and we’ve been doing it for nearly 76 years!!!!

Not being one to be deterred from a good serenity battle, Guardian Angel reminds Lydy that it doesn’t matter how long a person has gone without a drink, and her years of abstinence means nothing. She isn’t really sober, even though she hasn’t had a drink in a quarter of a century. Any good AA knows that real sobriety means working the program properly. He ups the ante by accusing her of taking prescription medications, and in keeping with passive-aggressive tone, ends the sentence with a smiley face :

What part of b) don’t you understand?

Your sobriety is quantity not quality
and I would bet millions you abuse meds :)

Intuitively knowing how to handle what seems to us normies to be a baffling accusation – that someone who hasn’t had a drink for 27 years isn’t really sober – Lydy fights fire with fire, and counters the prescription medication accusation with the classic “you have resentments” accusation. She even brought Guardian Angel’s mother into the mix:

Sorry sweetheart, you gonna lose that bet — that’s what you get for taking hookers to the boat lol.

I would bet the $2 I put in the basket every meeting that you have unresolved resentment issues towards your mother that your sponsor really wishes you’d deal with.

Perhaps if you’re being such a troll on here, then you aren’t being abusive towards the members of your home group at f2f meetings.


UPDATE: Guardian Angel has informed me in our comments that I was wrong in what I wrote. She (he?) was actually responding to Paige,  but Lyby defended her “because she is a meddling old bag,who is crazy.”

Thank you, Guardian Angel, for taking time between the Sabbaths to clarify this.

The Daily Chuckle

“Well I have done well with not drinking and working the steps has keep me sober for sixteen months. But succumbed to cigarettes when I found myself hanging with sober people who almost all seemed to smoke. I didn’t smoke before I joined AA….”

Dime, An AA, commenting in the nicotine addiction forum at Sober Recovery.


OK, let’s try and follow this thread from Sober Recovery properly. “Dime” quits drinking in AA, with the help of his higher power™ and his chain-smoking sponsor. But he then starts a smoking habit with the help of his sponsor and peers in recovery, and he is now addicted. Now Dime wishes to quit smoking, and as luck would have it, he has to go no farther than the forum next door – where he is told his keys to quitting are in the hands of his chain-smoking sponsor, and his higher power™ who was so busy with his drinking problem that He/She/It neglected to keep him from getting addicted to nicotine in the first place. Here is Tony B’s sage piece of advice:

“Believe it or not…. Sponsor is the first place to start. He’ll keep you grounded in all this. Once you have a plan, then it’s all up to your HP to make it a reality.”


Dispatches from Serenutopia

“I will also have to tell you that not drinking and not working the steps have not really anything to do with each other. I stayed sober for 7 years without working the steps. I know an old lady just across the street that just celebrated 50 years of sobriety. She no longer goes to meetings, and probably hasn’t in years, but shows up every year to pick up her medallion. Unfortunately, she is a bitter, unsocial angry looking old woman. I would honestly prefer to relapse and start over with a fresh attitude of humility than to go through life that way.

I found out the hard way too, that it is possible to not drink, and not change my personality for years. But slowly we tend to warp into what is commonly called a dry drunk. You might want to think about the possibility of that happening to you someday. It does sneak up on you though, since the changes are so gradual. Looking back, I can see how I had been setting myself up for a relapse for about 2 or 3 years before I ever drank again. As I said, this was after 7 years of being sober, or might I say, “dry”. But I had become sort of crazy and not so easy to live with.”

Dave M, an AA, answering a question on Yahoo Answers.

Serenity Nutjob

I guess AA God™ was so busy keeping these people serene and sober, He forgot to warn them about the guy in the meeting with a gun:

TRAVERSE CITY — A 40-year-old Traverse City man is behind bars, charged with trying to kill another man during an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

It happened around 7:55 Friday morning at 1610 Barlow Street in Garfield Township.

Officials say about fifteen people were at the AA meeting when they noticed one member was acting erratically. The victim, who was the chair of the meeting was trying to call law enforcement when the suspect grabbed the man in a choke hold and cut his face and neck.

Attempted murder during AA meeting

The 12-Steps Inn: Where Brains Check In, But They Don’t Check Out

Martha sent us a link to this little gem from the 12-Steps Inn. God help us all….

Your Sponsor And Your Therapist.

Your sponsor isn’t all that interested in the reasons you drank.

Your therapist thinks your root problem is your lack of self-esteem, negative self-image, and your poor self- concept.
Your sponsor thinks your problem is a 3-letter word with no hyphens.

Your therapist wants you to pamper your ‘inner child.’
Your sponsor thinks it ought to be spanked.

Your therapist thinks your parents and others are to blame
Your sponsor thinks your inventory should be about you, not your parents.

Your therapist thinks you should confront your parents and others
Your sponsor tells you to make amends to them.

Your therapist wants you to find ‘closure.’
The only time your sponsor uses the word ‘closure’ is before the word ‘mouth.’

Your therapist thinks you should put up ‘boundaries.’
Your sponsor thinks ‘boundaries’ are things you need to take down.

Your therapist wants you to love yourself first.
Your sponsor wants you to love others first.

Your therapist prescribes care-taking and medication.
Your sponsor prescribes prayer making and meditation.

Your therapist wants you to learn ‘anger management skills.’
Your sponsor thinks ‘anger management skills’ are numbered 1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

Now that you haven’t had a drink in six months, your therapist thinks you should make a list of your goals and objectives for the next five years, starting with finishing up that college degree.
Your sponsor thinks you should start today by cleaning the coffee pots, helping him carry a heavy box of literature to the jail, and making your bed.

Your sponsor won’t lose his license to practice if he talks about God

Al-Anot So Normal

In a lunacy contest between AA and Al-Anon, I’m not sure which one would win. Below is a quote taken from the “Al-Anon Family Group” section of the 12-Step forum, Miracles in Progress:

I was over a friend’s house who is in the program and he showed me a birthday card from his daughter. She had written in the card that she will always be there for him. I felt sick to my stomach when I read that sentence. I wound up lying and saying that it was a nice card, then couldn’t figure out if I should have told him that it is emotional incest for his daughter to feel she has to emotionally take care of him or not saying anything at all. I am very confused about this. What is the healthy thing to do? I have been contemplating calling him and telling him the truth, but don’t know if it is my place to do so. Also, I don’t feel he is healthy for me to be friends with since this is very sick behavior. Does anyone have any experience with this?

I’m not sure which is nuttier: this question, or the follow-up responses where just one other person questioned this guy on how telling a person that they always be there for them qualifies as “emotional incest” and “sick behavior.”

Those of you reading this who may be unfamiliar with Al-Anon, should understand that this conversation is centred around the idea of co-dependency. It’s an “affliction” with no clinical foundation, and thrives in the rooms of Al-Anon. It seems that just about everyone who walks into a meeting turns out to be co-dependent.

Quote of the Day

“…before you move on to the fourth step of the AA and Alanon program, there is a personal step you may want to take. You might want to learn a simple process for learning how to turn things over to this God of your understanding…give Him a test…try Him out (or HER, if that is your version of God). Many people have done this by starting a Prayer Box or Prayer Pocket…a small box or purse where you can put short notes to your God. Write down something you are worried about and write on the note that you are turning this problem over to God to solve. Give Him your biggest problems, the ones you have no idea how to solve. Then, really turn it over! Try not to think about it! OK…you’re still going to think about it, but when you do, just tell yourself that you’ve turned it over to God. Eventually, there will be a solution….”

Deborah, AA.

Quack Update

Update: Michael Hawkins, the student who got his blog shut down by WordPress, got his blog back!

The Lucidity Filter

Any group or organization contains a certain percentage of crazies and wingnuts, and if you were to take a sampling of the Alcoholics Anonymous membership, they would be no exception. Of course, their percentage of these types is going to be higher, as they actively recruit felons and social misfits. Still, even taking this into account, a random sampling on any AA group (at least the groups to which I have been exposed) will show a great percentage of members to be normal people who just happen to have drinking problems.

The obvious question, then, is how an organization composed largely of everyday men and women can be so dysfunctional. One reason is because AA is, in many ways, not unlike any other organization, and the vocal minority is often placated simply to shut them up. We all know how that goes, because we’ve all been there: OK, OK! I’ll eat your shit taco. Just quit your bitching! Often the loudest is the most crazy, and most opinionated. Think about it – have you ever seen a dispassionate conspiracy theorist? This makes sense — but why is it that with AA, unlike other organizations, a small group of crazies become not just a vocal minority, but become the leaders of the organization; and the ones who run the show? They move beyond simply being placated, to positions of leadership within AA’s social structure. There is a reason for this, and it is what I’ll refer to as the lucidity filter. Continue reading The Lucidity Filter