Posts tagged CarolD

The Daily Crazy

Wendy is a stepper down under, and she has a problem. She recently moved, and she’s dealing with a lot of crazy in her new group. So, she came to the good people at Sober Recovery for some advice. The whole post is a nice summary of a typical AA experience. Below are the last couple of paragraphs, which cover a lot of the lunacy in a short few sentences: You’ve got your 13th stepping, your suicide, your affirmation that she will be in jail were it not for AA, and a crazy AA buddy.

The responses are interesting, too. There is a lot of subtext to them, including Boleo’s implication that those non-fundie, “back-slapping” groups aren’t really AA, and CarolD’s suggestion that God put her in this situation for a reason – with that reason being to start up her own group. Shockingly, nobody has suggested she get away from these nutbags.

Being assertive in AA

And finally, there is a woman here I’ve begun to make friends with, a gay woman who is very strong from the floor, “men are for men and women are for women and the 13th Step” in terms of sponsoship and suppport – and she’s very strident because her last sponsee suicided shortly before I came here, partly due to the 13th Step from a guy . But she’s started to make it clear she likes me “that way”. That wouldn’t worry me so much – I’d just give it to her straight (excuse the pun). But our phone calls are endless diatribue of what her male sponsee is or isn’t doing and it’s truly, in my view, “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” – ie, he calls her at 6pm everynight and it’s the same old thing. But SHE TAKES THE CALLS, and at 23 years sober she won’t do the Steps and seek psych help for some genuinely awful stuff that’s happened in her life. So I’ve had to make a major boundary with her, even though she scares me. (She’s done hard prison time – a YET for me)

So, while I know this is just the fabric of AA, we’re all cracked in our own special way, I’d just LOVE a period of quiet when I don’t have to deal with these exhausting dynamics. I work my arse off in AA, with my psychiatrist and psychologist and on my spiritual journey and I refuse to have anyone derail me. But it’s all been a bit of a shock to the system.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ Over at the Sober Recovery Forum

What happens when there is dissension in the AA ranks? It depends on the platform. In real life, anyone questioning any part of the program will be derided. On an internet forum run by 12-steppers, they get censored. Even if it is not their AA section.

A few days ago, we were directed to a thread that was started at the Sober Recovery forum titled “The Concept of Powerlessness.” As is most often the case in these discussions about ‘Big Book’ scripture, it devolved into a circle-jerk of pseudo-intellectual mental contortion and philosophizing. I find it difficult to make it through more than three or four posts before my reading voice morphs into the “wah wah wah” of the teacher’s voice in Charlie Brown.

This time, I paid closer attention to the conversation, because a rare voice of trenchancy – “John Barleycorn” – jumped into the conversation. Knowing this was would go over like lead balloon, and knowing the AAs moderating the Sober Recovery forum would delete any challenge to the dogma quicker than one can say “rigorous honesty,” we took a screen shot. Click on the image below to enlarge:

It was followed up with this, which has yet to be deleted, but I’ll go ahead and include it here because I suspect it will be. It’s just makes too much sense:

One problem with using examples from internet forums is, AAs tend to couch their language more than they do one on one or within the confines of a group. What John Barleycorn is asking for is an alternative to tell a person who repeatedly fails. Something beyond a slogan. The answer, of course, is that the program cannot fail. It can only be failed. The onus, and the fault, is always on the individual. Always. It says it right there… in the ‘Big Book’.

It’s almost unfair to ask this of a group that is currently under the AA spell. They’ve been conditioned, and have no point of reference other than the insular world of AA. To a worm in a horseradish, the world is a horseradish.

UPDATE:

Jonny Quest, aka “John Barleycorn,” advised us SR deleted another post that would dare to criticize AA. Here it is: