Posts tagged alcoholism quiz

Are You a Blue Button Monkey Junkie?

[From “Heavens Gate” in our comment section]

“…People have a natural need to be accepted, more so when they’re in a disadvantaged state. Much like a laboratory monkey pressing two buttons, the red one which gives a shock, and the blue one that gives a banana, quickly learns to press the blue button exclusively. The smart monkey figures out how to open the cage and leave the situation. All the other monkeys, (ie. those who “get it”), become blue button monkey junkies and are destined for a lifetime of ashtray, basket, and coffee pot servitude. People are easily manipulated….”

Are You A Blue Button Monkey Junkie?


1. Did you have sex with your sponsor because he told you it would keep you sober?

2. Did you “get it”, and if so, can you explain it in a way a rational person can understand it?

3. Can you produce one piece of scientific evidence to support your belief that AA works, and if not, are you right now rationalizing your belief system to be true despite having no validation.

4. Did you hit your knees this morning only to find the dog had shit right next to your bed?

5. Is there a picture of Clancy I taped on the inside of your underwear?

6. Do you constantly tell people they are not working a good program, are not really sober, yet you are 14 months behind on your child support payments?

7. Do you neglect your duties as a parent to attend an AA meeting?

8. Do you really believe that being your sponsor’s pro bono gardener is keeping you sober?

9. Do you autonomically blurt out AA slogans and rhetoric?

10. Did you stop taking your medication because someone who could not even procure gainful employment at the local porno store told you to?

Here’s Your Stinkin’ Quiz

A couple of days ago, FTG posted a link to a quiz which is suppose to diagnose a potential drinking problem. I thought that it would be interesting to take those same questions, and apply them to AA itself. Take the test and see how you fare(d):

Do you lose time from work to attend AA meetings?

Are you taking advantage of the Americans With Disabilities Act in order to force your employer to accommodate your meeting quota?

Is AA making your home life unhappy?

Have you been told that AA is your “new family”? Are you being told that your spouse/partner does not understand you, because he/she is not an alcoholic? Is your spouse/partner encouraged to join Al-Anon, where they have been diagnosed as a “co-dependent”?

Do you attend AA to better relate to “sober people”?

Are you hesitant about discussing your drinking issues with friends, family, counselors?

Is AA affecting your reputation?

Are you afraid your employer, neighbors or other acquaintances will learn you attend Alcoholics Anonymous? Do you hide this fact because you believe they will look down on you? Do you only use your first name in AA, so nobody will know that you are a member? Continue reading Here’s Your Stinkin’ Quiz

Gene Search

Here is an interesting article from today’s Wall Street Journal, about research being done in linking certain gene profiles with a predisposition to alcohol abuse. Thus far, researchers haven’t discovered a serenity, resentment or spiritual deficiency gene:

Identifying Links to Drinking May Lead to Drug Treatments Tailored to Your DNA