Posts tagged alcohol use test

Drunken Monkeys

This is a good follow up to MA’s post, “Are you a ‘Real’ Alcoholic.”

Considering that in AA, alcoholism has nothing at all to do with actual alcohol, I don’t think that the results of these studies will inspire any rethinking of the whackaloon tests like the one on Big Book Sponsorship.

Researcher hopes to find more accurate alcohol-use test

Penn State Hershey researchers have been working for 2 1/2 years with Kathleen A. Grant at the Oregon National Primate Research Center on the project and have identified a set of 17 proteins in the blood that accurately predict alcohol usage 90 percent of the time in the primates.

[…]

He said the goal is to create a diagnostic test for alcohol consumption that may be used in areas of public safety, such as aviation or national security, for parole conditions or for helping physicians determine if a patient may have an alcohol-abuse problem.

What are they going to do with the alcoholic monkeys when they’re done with these experiments? Can monkeys be alcoholics if they can’t have a spiritual awakening or even do a simple 4th step? Can monkeys quit drinking on their own? I think it’s about time AA started doing some primate research… Long overdue, in fact.

These researchers should drop all their poor, still suffering alcoholic monkeys off at the local AA central office.