Posts tagged AA sucks

The Daily Crazy

Wendy is a stepper down under, and she has a problem. She recently moved, and she’s dealing with a lot of crazy in her new group. So, she came to the good people at Sober Recovery for some advice. The whole post is a nice summary of a typical AA experience. Below are the last couple of paragraphs, which cover a lot of the lunacy in a short few sentences: You’ve got your 13th stepping, your suicide, your affirmation that she will be in jail were it not for AA, and a crazy AA buddy.

The responses are interesting, too. There is a lot of subtext to them, including Boleo’s implication that those non-fundie, “back-slapping” groups aren’t really AA, and CarolD’s suggestion that God put her in this situation for a reason – with that reason being to start up her own group. Shockingly, nobody has suggested she get away from these nutbags.

Being assertive in AA

And finally, there is a woman here I’ve begun to make friends with, a gay woman who is very strong from the floor, “men are for men and women are for women and the 13th Step” in terms of sponsoship and suppport – and she’s very strident because her last sponsee suicided shortly before I came here, partly due to the 13th Step from a guy . But she’s started to make it clear she likes me “that way”. That wouldn’t worry me so much – I’d just give it to her straight (excuse the pun). But our phone calls are endless diatribue of what her male sponsee is or isn’t doing and it’s truly, in my view, “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” – ie, he calls her at 6pm everynight and it’s the same old thing. But SHE TAKES THE CALLS, and at 23 years sober she won’t do the Steps and seek psych help for some genuinely awful stuff that’s happened in her life. So I’ve had to make a major boundary with her, even though she scares me. (She’s done hard prison time – a YET for me)

So, while I know this is just the fabric of AA, we’re all cracked in our own special way, I’d just LOVE a period of quiet when I don’t have to deal with these exhausting dynamics. I work my arse off in AA, with my psychiatrist and psychologist and on my spiritual journey and I refuse to have anyone derail me. But it’s all been a bit of a shock to the system.

13th Stepping at Cornerstone Recovery in Houston

Here is a story about 13th-stepping by a counselor at Cornerstone Recovery in Houston, TX:

Counselor accused of having sex with teen patient

HOUSTON (KTRK) — A substance abuse counselor is accused of having sex with one of her patients — a 16-year-old boy — and police say it happened more than once.

According to police, the counselor and her patient had attended an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting on a July night after which they went ‘parking.’ When police arrived, the whole alleged relationship began to unravel.Until Tuesday, Amanda Leann Kueht was a drug and alcohol recovery counselor. Now she’s a defendant, arrested Tuesday night by West University Place police. Now Kueht, 28, is charged with sexual assault of a child under 17.

“Had inappropriate contact with a victim that is underage,” said prosecutor Amanda Skillen.

On July 27 in a church parking lot, a West U. patrol officer is said to have spotted a car. It didn’t seem right and then he observed a partially dressed male teenager and Keuht in the back seat.

“The female subject in the back seat was 28 years of age and the male subject in the back seat — our victim — was 16 years of age,” said Patrick Phil Clark of the West U. Place Police Department.

The couple’s clothes were disheveled. Later, the teen told investigators while no sex took place that night, it had before.

“It had been going on for a few weeks with numerous encounters,” said Clark.

Her name has been taken off of the Cornerstone website, where until now she was listed as a managing counselor. It said this about her:

“She is completely dedicated to helping adolescents and their families recover. Mandy takes pride in being organized and dependable. Over time it has become apparent that she has a passion and enthusiasm for the 12 steps and helping others, as well as her own spiritual and mental growth.”

A true angel of mercy!

Cellerific!

The good news for Chris Destasio is that he will be receiving his twenty-year sobriety chip next year. The bad news is that it’s going to happen in a Federal prison. It seems he sported his rigorous honesty™ by stealing more than $100K worth of cellphones from his employer, and then selling them on eBay:

The phones offered by Cellerific were popular because they were “NIB” (auction shorthand for “new in box”) and because they were “cold” phones that didn’t have numbers assigned to them.

Judging by the hundreds of positive feedback comments
he got on eBay, Cellerific had a solid reputation for low prices and quick service.

Buyers didn’t know that Cellerific was Destasio, an account manager for Sprint Nextel. When he was charged, prosecutors alleged that Destasio had discovered that if he charged the phones to his accounts at miniscule prices — sometimes as low as 99 cents per unit — the businesses either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

The government has since determined that wasn’t entirely the case. A presentencing memo from an assistant U.S. attorney noted that “Mr. Destasio’s discretion to set prices and to grant discounts to Sprint Nextel’s customers appears to be less extensive than the parties believed at the time of the negotiation of the plea agreement.”

Jeanne Cooney, a spokeswoman for the U.S. attorney’s office for Minnesota, declined to specify how much discretion Destasio had in setting prices, saying it was part of the investigation.

The single wire-fraud count Destasio faced involved an Aug. 10, 2009, transaction in which he told a buyer to wire $409 to his PayPal account to cover the cost of a phone.

Sprint Nextel told federal investigators it lost $144,657.28 through the scheme. That’s the sum Schiltz ordered Destasio to pay in restitution.

Former Sprint employee gets 1-year sentence in cellphone scheme

His attorney, in making the case about what a great guy he is, cites his time in Alcoholics Anonymous:

“Admirably, Mr. Destasio voluntarily sought professional help for his chemical dependency in 1992, and continues to attend AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) groups to assist him in his sobriety,” the lawyer wrote.

How many people do you think this guy sponsored over the years? Keep coming back!

Quote of the Day

“…drinking or drug use is inevitable unless the person stays in meetings until the insanity stops….”

Ben Brown, an AA who is still going to meetings after 40 years, commenting on how there is not exit strategy in AA.

More on Michael Toole

[UPDATE: Toole gets 30 months in Club Fed. Maybe during his first strip search, someone will find more reasons why his drinking habit causes him to steal, lie and cheat. He does seem to pull these things directly out of his ass: Toole Gets Prison Time]

 

“With all due respect, the statement you made in the courtroom regarding Mike’s attendance at an AA meeting that, ‘it didn’t work’, was not only insensitive and bitingly sarcastic, but it was also a person affront to all those who battle addictions. If only it was that easy – that people receive counseling or attend an AA meeting or two and they are cured. But, we know, Judge Conaboy, that this is simply not true. As I noted before, there sadly is no cure for alcoholism and, therefore, sobriety is a lifelong struggle….”

- Sharon Palushock, MD

 

The above quote was written by Michael Toole’s sister-in-law, in a character reference letter to Richard Conaboy, the judge who will soon sentence Toole – a former judge himself, who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. She is scolding the good judge for making a comment on the efficacy of Toole’s treatment program, after he was caught stalking the key witness in his case; and arguing it was okay, because he happened to have done it on the way from an AA meeting. Continue reading More on Michael Toole

Nine Months to the ‘Miracle’

Lucy wrote this in our comment section. I thought that I would highlight it here. It illustrates what happens when controlling sponsors are allowed to do their thing, unchecked and with no accountability. When some 12-step Nazi like our resident trolls JD or Mr AA point to the costs of a sobriety coach, or a secular treatment approach (as they did yesterday about Steven Slate), implying there are no costs to those who involve themselves in AA – I point to stories like this. Unfortunately, these type of stories aren’t uncommon. Sometimes the costs are nothing more than a loan to an AA grifter. Sometimes the costs are a lot more….

“A woman I sponsored has mild cognitive deficits from a birth trauma. Her problems include a learning disability and balance problems. She understands what is happening, but she is a few beats behind everyone else. She comes from a wealthy family, and she was able to make it through a small college with an adjusted curriculum.

Her learning problems led to depression which led to heavy drinking. Her marriage broke up and she landed in an AA group in the town where her parents lived. She was told to get a sponsor, and was told that the entire group was sponsored by M, an older man who was a retired mechanic.

M told her to stay away from her parents, whom he said would make he want to drink. He invited her to move out of her apartment and into his house.. He said she could either sleep on the couch or share a room with his teen-aged son, a high school drop-out, whom he also sponsored. He suggested that they would even make a good couple. He also told her to quit her job, as he would take care of everyone.

Three months later, she was pregnant with the son’s baby. She called her parents to tell them the good news, and was surprised when they begged her to come home and go to the psych ward. By now she was worried about taking care of the child and, over the strong objections of her sponsor and his son, she went to the hospital.

It took a long time to deprogram her from the things the sponsor had said to her when she was depressed, terrified and alone. When what had happened sank in, she and her parents spent a hefty legal sum paying M to get the son’s parental rights revoked so that she would no longer have to have contact with M. (The son later killed himself.)

I don’t care about who has sex with who, or even what kind of sex they have. Nor do I like the “fucking a cripple” comment, which I find ugly and degrading. However, I know what Massive is talking about when she talks about predators.

AA has plenty of sex offenders, but most women (and men) know better than to spend much time with them. The real problem is the controllers, the ones who delight in running the lives of others and leaving other people to clean up the mess. They fuck people up and then tell them it’s their fault for being angry about it.

AA has three types of members – the uninformed, the predator and the mentally ill. If you know what AA is, it is hard to go there with a clear conscience.”

Quote of the Day

“The ‘higher-power’ concept works. If you want to make the higher-power your left big toe, well that will work just fine.”

hornblower, an AA, commenting on The Telegraph article about Charlie Sheen’s AA criticism.

Salon Joins the Act…

In today’s Salon advice column by (AA? I believe so…) Cary Tennis, an AA member writes in to say that he has hated every bloody minute he has spent in AA. So, Salon doesn’t actually have to dive in and write an AA critical article, it gets one of its readers to do it for them. Whatever. It’s a start. The conversation is picking up…

I’m Sober, I’m Depressed and I hate AA

Dear Cary,

It’s Saturday night and in a few more weeks I will have been sober six years, with the help of AA, daily meetings, sponsors, steps, the whole bit. I’ve had times of peace and serenity, and gratitude for my healthy body and mind. But, for the most part, I’ve hated it from the beginning. And it’s just getting worse. I try other meetings — there are hundreds every week in the city I live in. I’ve also been to meetings in many different countries, and in the U.S. from Anchorage to Key West.

I’m a musician and travel a lot. That’s another thing. I don’t find any joy in my music anymore. My neighbors are having a jam tonight and I am in bed, listening, trying to watch a movie, wishing I could be there drinking a beer and jamming with them. My joy is gone. Vamoose. It went back in March of ’05. And now, even if drinking means death to me, it seems like a better choice than continuing to live this way. Continue reading Salon Joins the Act…

Quote of the Day

Sugomom just quoted this from a forum, and I thought it was of such quality, that it deserved to be highlighted here:

“I would much rather date a woman who didn’t drink than one who did. If a person gets drunk, or has ever gotten drunk, then they are an alcoholic. If they are in a 12 step program and taking rigorous moral inventory as well as prayer, then I would date them. If they are just drinking alcohol and getting drunk, I would drive them to an AA meeting to help them on their way to a stronger spiritual connection with their higher power.

I would much rather date a woman who had an extremely strong spiritual connection to her higher power than an atheist who is constantly inserting her ego into every issue.

Egotists drink alcohol, that’s the honest truth. People drink alcohol to avoid Life. If you are lucky enough to find a person in a 12 step program, do not interfere with their meetings or spiritual practice. That is the one thing that you cannot do, they will leave you in a second over a meeting. You ever cause them to miss a meeting and you will be gone within hours if not minutes. That is critical to understand.”

Projection

Anyone who has studied psychology is familiar with the term “projection,” which refers to the tendency of an individual to deny his or her bad attributes, and project them onto another individual. It is a normal defense mechanism that all of us possess to at least some degree, but is amplified in people with certain psychological disorders. In a room full of AAs, which is a human sized petri dish of psychosis, projection is a staple of the interaction which takes place between the participants. It serves as the grease to the gears of the inter-working parts that make up the engine of AA manipulation – and can be seen in its many forms, from displacement to bullying. I’ve often thought about what a shame it was that Freud, who came up with the concept of projection, missed out on his chance to study an AA group, as it would have been his treasure trove of all things crazy.

AA’s very definition of an alcoholic as being selfish and ego-driven is a study in projection. Bill Wilson, who was an ego-driven narcissist, and who also happened to have a scorching drinking problem, simply applied his own shortcomings to all alcoholics. Where Oxford Group believed in the idea of original sin, and that we are all selfish by our very nature – Bill Wilson, Dr Bob and the early members of AA, separated those with drinking problems as being uniquely morally deficient. Continue reading Projection