Archive for the Crock of Shit Category

Harvie’s Wallbanger

Harvie Morrow is not much on traditions. Especially the 11th tradition of AA, which in a fit of rigorous honesty™, he has decided does not apply to him. Here is a puff piece in The Marlborough Express in New Zealand, where Harvie poses for picture of him pouring a cup of tea, and describes how it only took ten years for AA God™ to finally stop jacking with him and give him the serenity needed to put down that cocktail. Of course, it’s just for one day at a time, and only as long as you attend meetings:

“I’ve been coming for 25 years and, of course, initially I had some ups and downs, but the last 15 years have been plain sailing,” said a smiling Harvie, who underlined the importance of regular attendance at meetings.

“I once heard of someone asking how long they had to attend meetings for and they were told: `As long as you want to’.”

This, Harvie said, summed up the nature of the disease – and the programmes available to help fight it. A renewed commitment is needed every day because the desire to have another drink will always be there.

Speaking for God

Just when I think that I’ve heard the most inane thing that could possibly be said by a person, an AA comes along and sets the bar just a little higher. This time it was set by “Daytrader” and “Boleo,” a couple of AAs at the Sober Recovery forum. Daytrader started the conversation:

“Heard this on a AA convention recording (downloaded from XA – “The Usual Suspects – Sandy B and Jerry J)…. and thought it might be worth posting.

It came during a Q&A with Sandy B. from Tampa

The question: If God can relieve us from this fatal disease of alcoholism, why doesn’t he relieve others suffering from the same disease or from other maladies?

Sandy’s answer: God relieves us of our fatal disease BECAUSE we become entirely willing to HAVE God remove the problem. It doesn’t get removed UNTIL we do that. So, unless someone is SEEKING a spiritual experience, it can’t get in (God can’t come inside in order for the relief to happen)….”

So, according to Sandy B., those who aren’t relieved of their ailments are only in that condition because they have not asked God™, or were not sincere enough. Got it. This is confirmed by Boleo, who wrote:

“I don’t know who said it first;

‘God is such a gentleman, he will not go where he is not invited’.”

Please…put me out of my misery. I can’t stand the stupid!

Even Lies Are Bigger In Texas

The Dallas Morning News is helping AA troll for new pigeons on Thanksgiving. I’m not sure the guy who wrote this is an AA or not. Judging from how full of shit he is, my guess is that he is one, as one of the commenters refers to his “birthday.” This quote below made spew coffee out of my nose:

You might find some turkey and dressing there. But you won’t find a morsel of shame, guilt, lecturing or superiority.

Considering the fact that the foundation of the program is built on shame and guilt; as well as lecturing and superiority from the Big Book Nazis who run the AA show, this guy is either a shameful liar, or wholly ignorant about his subject matter. One thing I do know is, his last name is appropriate.

AA Does Not Stand For ‘African American’

Almost six years ago, AA God™ was so busy providing serenity to the members of an AA group in Pittsfield, Massachusetts; that he he got

SIOGA Club President and racist, Douglas Malins

distracted and let their building burn down. The SIOGA Club, which stands for “Sobriety Is Our Greatest Asset,” has been without a home ever since. Shortly after the fire, the group bought another building, and began the process of sprucing it up with the help of volunteer labor, and started soliciting donations from outside sources. I’m not sure how begging for money fits in with tradition number seven, which states that they decline outside contributions, but I’ll admit that I’m not an expert in “rigorous honesty.”

Last year, SIOGA Club President, Douglas Malins, was all giddy over the prospect of the opening of the new building – but they were out of money. What better way to raise it than with a public appeal in a free puff piece from the local newspaper:

It’s been a long road but Malins, president of the non-profit organization, can see the beginning of the end — except it’s 30 days and $35,000 to $40,000 away.

“Basically, right now we’re broke,” he said. “We’re so close. If we had the money … .”

That is close! It gets even more frustrating, considering that he would have had $10K to spare himself, had he not been forced to pay it in a settlement from a racial discrimination suit against him:

The complaint, which was filed in 2005, alleges that property manager Douglas Malins prohibited a tenant’s grandson, who is biracial, from visiting her apartment and that he interfered with the tenant’s right to have African-American guests at her apartment.

So, I suppose it must cost more to renovate a building when you have to double up on everything. You know, separate restrooms and drinking fountains, and all of those signs designating “whites” and “coloreds” aren’t going to paint themselves for free. Fortunately for Douglas M, some donation money came through, and they were able to open their doors this week.

Meet jay Spreeuw: Freedom House (now exiled) Vice President

“Really, you just can’t make this kind of stuff up.
Nice neighbors for the kiddies at the practically adjacent school.”

AnnaZed

I’m starting to think you folks are setting me up for the next post!

We’ll continue with part four of our saga by introducing everyone to the face that once occupied the now blank space above the words “vice president” on the Freedom House website (I went ahead and froze the page, in case these jackasses decided to delete it in a fit of rigorous honesty). Meet Jay Spreeuw, the one-time vice president on the Freedom House board. Jay enjoys the outdoors, the music of Green Day, and asking kids if they’ve seen his lost dog. Spreeuw, which is German for “sicko”, is top dog of this pile of losers – and of the mugshots we’ve seen thus far, his is the happiest, probably because he isn’t in the joint being subjected to inmate justice, which is what I understand is done to child molesters. Yes, even a prison population is more picky than AA about who they will accept into their community. At AA, and in a place like Freedom House, these assholes are put in positions of authority. The only reason this slimeball resigned, was because this thing went public, and he was forced to leave.

I bet you folks think I’m done, and it can’t get any more batshit crazy than this. Think again. All we’ve seen so far are the officers of this cuckoo’s nest. Next, we’ll take a gander at management. Stay tuned.

Meet Annette Marr: Freedom House Treasurer

“What could ever go wrong with this plan?”
DeConstructor

Is that a rhetorical question, DeConstructor? Are you egging us on? OK, here goes….

Let me introduce everyone to the third part of the Freedom House management team: Annette Marr. The former Annette Perrone, is inmate # 2132149. Among her dastardly deeds is vehicular assault. It seems El Presidente Randall 13th stepped her in AA, and the two got hitched. Apparently, the couple was not content just screwing each other, and decided to take their act into a family business, where they can screw others, as well. I must admit that her mugshot is less scary than the Randall’s and Francine’s, but she still looks like she just lost her last dollar in a game of blackjack.

I know what you’re saying – it can’t get any more ridiculous. Right? Wrong. Stay tuned.

Meet Francine Stone: Freedom House Secretary

I know, I know…you can’t get enough of our ongoing series on Freedom House in Kalispell, Montana – and since we are here to placate our target audience of serenityless resentillians, we figured, “what the hell, let’s meet the Freedom House board of directors!”

Today, we’re profiling Francine Stone, aka inmate #3003107. She bears a striking resemblance to Weird Al Yankovic after three-day drunk, with the only discernible difference being the tattoo of a pit bull that Francine has on her left shoulder. Her hobbies include meditating, serenity searching, and obstructing justice. Currently a resident of Montana, Francine has also lived in California, where she was also in trouble with the law. Hey, let’s play a game! Whatcha think she was busted for in Oakland? I’ll send out a complimentary amends letter for anyone guesses correctly.

In another development, Randall Marr was sprung from the big house last night. I hope he doesn’t celebrate by tying one on. I hear he’s an angry drunk.

Meet Randall Marr

Meet Randall Marr. He is the board president of “Freedom House”, a sober living home we posted about here yesterday. DeConstructor found that Randall has his very own web page, so I decided we would highlight it here. It makes me wonder what the rest of the board consists of, if this is the guy they elected to run the show.

Freedom May Not Be Free, But Sometimes It’s Tax-Free

The Freedom House in Kalispell, Montana is going through a bit of a back and forth with the City Council. First, for the sake of clarity, let me say that this has nothing to do with Dick B’s “Freedom Ranch”. There is a distinct difference in recovery terms between a “ranch” and a “house”. A “ranch” is a luxury condo on the beach, complete with tennis courts and swimming pools, which is funded with tax-deductible donations, and used, tax-free, by religious nutjobs spiritual enthusiasts, who actually do the “work” of the ranch over the internet. A “house” is a 900 square foot, two-bedroom home that has eight men with spotty pasts and vicious drinking habits, packed into it like a bunch of Chilean miners.

The neighbors are unhappy because, shockingly, they do not want a bunch of criminally-minded guys with drinking and drug problems taking over their neighborhood. Like all sober living homes, they are running it under the guise of treatment and recovery – a type of business that is not allowed under the zoning restrictions of this community. And, like other sober living homes, they are trying to do a workaround the law with “rigorous honesty”, by claiming it is just a bunch of unrelated guys living under a roof, who happen to have organized recovery meetings throughout the week. Despite what the neighbors believe, it has nothing to do with making a prophet profit!

The president of Freedom House’s board, Randall Marr, strongly disagrees with the locals, and he would have been willing to defend his group against these unwarranted accusations, except he was in jail for breaking parole by getting liquored up and making an ass of himself at a local hospital.

The City Council has taken the chickenshit route, and has left it up to state authorities to make a decision on the case, which is pending.

Kallispell Still Undecided on Freedom House

Trolling for Pigeons

A couple of years ago, Dexter Parker found himself in a bit of pickle. He was arrested for assault; or, as he put it, “I got into a little trouble with an ex-girlfriend.” I’m not sure if his girlfriend would characterize the incident in the same way, and I’m fairly certain she would not refer to it as “a blessing”, as did the author of this puff piece from the Lufkin Daily News in Texas.

In the two years since his arrest, Dexter has had trouble keeping his sobriety, so three and a half months ago, he entered a treatment program and joined AA. Now that he has been spiritually awakened, he has decided to  temporarily suspend his anonymity and the tradition of “attraction, not promotion”, so he could tout his own story, and use the local rag to troll for help in starting his own group.

You go, Dexter!