Melanie Griffith starred in one of my favorite movies of all time – Cecil B Demented – a cult comedy by a cult director where she’s kidnapped by a cult and gets stockholm syndrome. I never realized that this was happening to her in real life though. Recently, both her and her husband Antonio Banderas spoke about her recent (a few years ago) stint in rehab.
She’s happy that Antonio and the kids were involved with 2 weeks of a family portion of the program, but still not happy or grateful enough:
“Antonio was supportive to the extent that he can be, but if you’re not an alcoholic or drug addict, and you find out that your wife is a bad one, it’s hard to deal with. I wish he would go to a meeting with me or to Al-Anon, but it’s very foreign to him. Addiction runs in my family but not in his”
Maybe this attitude and set of beliefs is the reason why she’s had at least three major episodes of addiction and subsequent treatment throughout her life. Perhaps you could learn from him that there’s something odd about putting the responsibility for your own changes on him – or that those who haven’t been brainwashed yet aren’t turned on by the idea of going to these meetings to dwell on substance use and negativity for an hour everyday. Maybe the guy who hasn’t been addicted actually has a clearer view of the problem than your personal addiction gurus.
My advice: Honey, he doesn’t need to change or be in AA or Al-anon for you to straighten out your act. You’re 54 now; stop riding the fence, and decide what you want out of life. It sounds like his distaste for 12-step meetings will be your next excuse for a “relapse.”
Or, don’t fret, because “relapse is a part of recovery”